I'm No Covergirl
Updated: May 26, 2019
I have no problem admitting I might take great pictures (they did put my face on a billboard after all), but let me be clear- I am NO "Covergirl."
And when I say "Covergirl" this is what I'm imagining:
-She lives in a nice flat in New York City that's decorated simply and elegantly with stuff from Wayfair and Arhaus.
-She's effortlessly stylish and knows how to contour.
-She weighs just enough not to look too skinny, but still wears a size 000000.
-She has boobs even though she's a size 000000.
-She eats all organic and non-processed foods.
-She has a gluten-intolerance.
-Her mascara never comes off.
-If she has kids, they're all well-behaved and well-groomed all the time.
-Her life is tied together with a beautiful shiny bow.
-She has everything figured out.
And I know that this description isn't really fair, because those girls on magazine covers are real people with real problems and real lives, but that is NOT what I see on Ariana Grande's Instagram feed. It's certainly not what I'm thinking about when I take a glance at a magazine cover when I'm checking out at Walmart (because I can't eat all organic things on my budget.) When I see a "Covergirl," I see the picture-perfect, made-up outsides and I just don't measure up.
Hence the name of this podcast.
All the credit for the name of the Recover Girl Podcast goes to my mom. On one of our walks around the neighborhood, she came up with a name that captured everything I wanted in this podcast. In all of the public speaking engagements that I do, I always talk about taking off our masks and embracing ourselves. I have publicly branded myself without shame as someone who was hopelessly addicted and is still incredibly imperfect but as someone who is trying. A "Covergirl" has "arrived," but I'm a "REcover Girl" and I am on a journey.
And I *bleep*ing love it.
I think back to my time in high school when I really struggled with my self-image. I would constantly compare myself, my body, and my makeup to nearly every girl walking by me. It was miserable, and if you've ever been there, I know you can relate. When I got older and started my journey of recovery, I would do the same thing, but I was constantly comparing my insides (those feelings of self-doubt, wanting to escape and use, of being "less than" because of things that I'd done) to everyone else's outsides.
I wish that that little girl could have listened to this podcast back then. I wish she could've walked down the isle at Walmart and seen a girl just like her on the magazine covers. Someone that was struggling and working hard, but still trying to help others. I wish she would've been encouraged to measure her success on her ability to love others instead of her ability to be loved and admired by others.
The world has enough Covergirls. It's in desperate need for more REcover girls.
Once I embraced my Internal Make Up, and stopped concerning myself with my external "makeup," I was finally free! THAT was the birthplace of my real journey of recovery, and it is a huge gift. For me, I could not come to this place of freedom on my own. I had a tribe of women rally around me and love me back to life. I reconnected with a God that I thought was far away and had Him tell me who I was.
And you know what I learned? This Recover Girl is:
-Able to LOVE with her whole heart
-Capable of overcoming obstacles and being uncomfortable
-Strong even though she falls and makes mistakes
-Connected to others that love and need her
-Brave when she could play it safe
Turns out that who I am has nothing to do with what is on the outside. It's not even a measure of my successes or failures! Everything I am, everything good that makes me up, is inside of me, and nothing can take that away from me today. That's true not only for me, but for you, and for the Covergirls in the magazines.
So, Recover girl? If you haven't asked yourself in a while, it's time to take stock. What's your make up?